Nützliche Prinzipien im Umgang miteinander
Vorbemerkungen von Kai
Habe hier einen Ausschnitt aus einer Zusammenfassung des Buches "The 7 Habits of Higly Effective People" (Autor des Orginalbuches: Stephen R. Covey, Simon & Schuster Verlag, New York 1989) rauskopiert.
Im Gegensatz zu anderen typischer solcher Bücher enthält das unten geschriebene nicht nur Trivialitäten (bzw. wo doch solche, die nicht selbstbverständlich umgesetzt werden) und hat eine ethische/gesellschaftliche Dimension.
Aber das Ganze biete ich nur als Hilfsmitteln an, falls es nicht genehm ist, lohnt es nicht, darüber eine Metadiskussion anzufangen. Die Prinzipien würden, glaube ich, nützen, es geht aber auch so (Von allen Texten bisher ist dies hier inhaltlich der am wenigsten Wichtige).
Kurz zu den 3 ersten Kapiteln, die ich nicht mitliefere:
Im 1.Kapitel geht es überhaupt um den Standpunkt Begriff/Idee/Subjekt/Freiheit: die Wirklichkeit nach seinen Vorstellungen ändern
Im 2.Kapitel geht es dann darum seine Zwecke zu setzen
Im 3.Kapitel geht es dann darum, die Zwecke in Beziehung zueinander zu setzen und auch wie man durch Selbstorgansiation etc dazu beitragen kann, diese zu verwirklichen.
Ab dem 4. Kapitel (ab hier werden sie unten zusammengefasst) geht es dann darum, wie man mit anderne gemeinsam seine Ziele erreicht (unterstellt natürlich, das es gemeinsames gibt, Ziele prinzipiell vereinbar sind). Für die gemeinsame Zusammenarbeit an einem gemeinsamen Ziel sind sie aber nützlich.
Wichtig wäre, das dabei das Ziel im Auge steht, ein gemeinsames Ziel zu finden (Kapitel 4 und 6) und dazu auch die Differenzen (und Gemeisnamkeiten) abzuklären (Kaptiel 5):
Habit 4 -- Think Win/Win
Principles of Interpersonal Leadership
Six Paradigms of Human Interaction
- Win/Win or No Deal
- Agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial
- A belief in the Third Alternative -- a better way
- Use of position, power, credentials, possessions or personality to get one's way.
- The win/lose mentality is dysfunctional to interdependence.
- Lose/Win people are quick to please or appease.
- Capitulation -- giving in or giving up.
Note. Many executives, managers and parents oscillate between Win/Lose and Lose/WIN. Lose/Lose
- Result of encounters between two Win/Lose individuals.
- Also the philosophy of highly dependent people.
- Win at all costs. Other people don't matter.
- The most common approach in everyday negotiation.
Which Option is Best?
- Most situations are part of an interdependent reality.
- Win/Win solutions are synergistic.
Win/Win or No Deal
- If we can't find a solution that would benefit both parties, we agree to disagree.
- Most realistic at the beginning of a relationship or enterprise.
Five Dimensions of Win/Win
- Character. The foundation of Win/Win
- Integrity. The value we place on ourselves.
- Maturity. The balance between courage and consideration.
- Abundance Mentality. There is plenty out there for everybody.
- Relationships. Courtesy, respect and appreciation for the other person and his point of view.
- Agreements. Cover a wide scope of interdependent action.
- Desired results
- Supportive Systems. Reward systems must reflect the values of the mission statement.
- Processes. The route to Win/Win:
- See the problem from another point of view.
- Identify the key issues and concerns involved.
- Determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution.
- Identify possible new options to achieve those results.
Habit 5 -- Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Principles of Empathic Communication Character and Communication
- Communication is the most important skill in life
- If you want to interact effectively with me, to influence me, you first need to understand me.
- You have to build the skills of empathic listening on a base of character that inspires openness and trust.
- Most people listen with the intent to reply.
- When another person speaks, we are usually 'listening' at one of four levels:
- selective listening
- attentive listening
Very few of us ever practice the highest form of listening -- empathic listening.
- Only 10 percent of our communication is represented by the words we say, another 30 percent by our sounds, and 60 percent by body language.
- Empathic listening is risky.
Diagnose Before You Prescribe
- Diagnose before you prescribe is a correct principle in many areas of life.
- It is the mark of all true professionals
- The amateur salesman sells products, the professional salesman sells solutions to needs and problems.
Four Autobiographical Responses
- Because we listen autobiographically (from the perspective of our own paradigms), we tend to respond in one of four ways:
- We evaluate
- We probe
- We advise
- We interpret
- The language of logic is different from the language of sentiment and emotion.
- As long as responses are logical, we are at liberty to ask questions and give counsel. The moment responses become emotional, empathic listening is necessary.
- Empathic listening involves four developmental stages
- mimic content
- ephrase the content
- reflect feeling
- rephrase the content and reflect the feeling
- Empathic listening enables us to turn transactional opportunities into transformational opportunities.
- The key to empathic listening is to genuinely seek the welfare of the individual to whom you are listening.
Understanding and Perception
- As you learn to listen deeply to other people, you will discover tremendous differences in perception.
- Habit 5 is the first step in the process of Win/Win.
Then Seek to Be Understood
- Knowing how to be understood is the other half of Habit 5 and is crucial in reaching Win/Win solutions.
- The essence of making effective presentations:
- Ethos -- your personal credibility.
- Pathos -- the empathic side.
- Logos -- the logic.
- When you can present your own ideas clearly, specifically, visually and in the context of the paradigms of your audience, you significantly increase the credibility of your ideas.
One on One
- Habit 5 is right in the middle of your circle of influence. You can always seek first to understand.
- Spend time with your spouse and children, one on one.
Habit 6 -- Synergize: Principles of Creative Communication
- The exercise of all the other habits prepares us for the habit of synergy.
- Synergy. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
- Few people experience synergy in their lives because most people have been scripted into defensive or protective communications.
- Synergy can be unnerving unless one has a high tolerance for ambiguity and gets security from integrity to principles and inner values.
Synergy in the Classroom
- Many truly great classes teeter on the very edge of chaos.
- Synergy is possible in the classroom when the group collectively agrees to subordinate old scripts and to write a new one.
Synergy in Business
- To achieve synergy in business requires that people become open and authentic.
- When we open ourselves up to the influence of others, we gain new insights and facilitate the generation of new options.
Synergy and Communication
- The lowest level of communication coming out of low trust situations is characterized by defensiveness, protectiveness, and legalistic language which covers all the bases and spells out qualifiers and escape clauses in the event things go sour.
- The middle level of communication is respectful communication -- where fairly mature people communicate.
- The highest level of communication is synergistic (win/win) communication.
Fishing for the Third Alternative
- In many compromise situations there is usually a third alternative.
- Synergistic third alternatives are often better for both parties than their original alternatives.
- Seeking the third alternative is a major paradigm shift from the dichotomous either/or mentality.
- Most highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality.
- Many people don't realize that the real strength of any relationship is having alternative points of view.
Valuing the Differences
- Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy.
- The truly effective person has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations and to realize the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other people.
- If two people have the same opinion, one person is unnecessary.
Force Field Analysis Any current level of performance or being is a state of equilibrium between the driving forces that encourage upward movement and the restraining forces that discourage it.
- Driving forces generally are positive, reasonable, logical, conscious, and economic.
- Restraining forces are often negative, emotional, illogical, unconscious, and social/psychological.
- You don't have to take insults personally.
- You can sidestep negative energy.
- You can look for the good in others.
- You can express ideas, feelings, and experiences in a way that will encourage others to be open also.